Why I’ll never be a successful writer - but why that’s okay
This isn’t a self-degrading post, I promise.
Respectfully, no. Photo by @whitfieldjordan from Unsplash.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
Okay, hear me out.
First, I’m not quitting writing hah. I love writing, and it’s something I want to do for the rest of my life.
Second, I might never find success doing it. And that’s alright.
What is success anyway? I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, and it was about a man who wrote a book, got it published, and found no commercial success with it. In fact, he only had one review on the book, and it was posted after he died. If I remember correctly, it was a review from his daughter, who went on to say that her father was the best writer she knew.
Is that success? A single review from a family member? To die in anonymity? I don’t know. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, especially after my book, Just Us, was picked up by a small, indie press. At first, I was overjoyed. I couldn’t believe that someone had seen the value in my book and decided to go forward with publishing it.
I’m still thrilled with that. But, I’m also coming to the realization that Just Us will likely only be read by a handful of people. As I said, it’s a small, indie press that doesn’t do a whole lot of advertising, and doesn’t even stock it with commercial retailers (no Barnes & Noble, and I’ll have to put it up on Amazon myself).
A handful of people isn’t the millions I once hoped for. But that crowd is still important. They’re the readers who will pick up my books time and time again, even if they’re my friends. Those people are the most important to me anyway.
But what about commercial success, I wonder. Will I ever be able to make my living as a full-time author? Not many people do. And I feel like I’ll have to sacrifice a lot of my artistic integrity if I do (sell-out, if you will).
So, is working for commercial success even worth it? I once had an editor tell me they liked my work and felt that it was moving and worth reading. But they weren’t sure if it would have the marketability to make it successful. And what’s more important to me? I’m sure I could learn to do both — make something both heart-wrenching and digestible by the general public — but, to me, that feels like I’m no longer being genuine.
I felt the same way after finishing my first romance novel under a pen name. I felt it was good writing, with a strong plot and relatable characters, but I was also acutely aware that it doesn’t fit into the typical genre of romance writing. I knew it would alienate readers and not be the success (commercially) I went into it hoping it would be. Why? Because, in a lot of ways, I despise the tropes associated with romance. I hate the slut-shaming, the necessity of virginity associated with women, the idea of imperfect characters — and especially imperfect characters that carry over into the end. I hate it. And I wasn’t willing to compromise my own values for something that could potentially be successful. (Lol, want to read it, though? Shoot me a message, and I’ll send you the link. It’s spicy).
Nothing like a good old cliche to round things out. Photo by @jannerboy62 from Unsplash.
This thought has been wearing on me lately, especially because of my growing unhappiness in my current field. At first, I found my work satisfying, but now, as I delve deeper into my creative pursuits, I’m finding it almost unbearable. So do I hang onto a job and a career path that gives me no joy (but guarantees some sense of stability), or go into doing what I love, even if I find myself in a vulnerable position without hopes of commercial success?
Probably the latter honestly. But that’s also why it’s okay if I’m never a renowned author. Because, at least at the end of it all, I will be happy doing what I love.
Want to make sure I at least have something to eat in these creative pursuits lol? Check out my Patreon or consider pre-ordering Just Us. Thanks as always for reading, and be sure to leave a comment below with your thoughts. I love hearing from you all :)
